Never Ignore Your Intuition

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Been awhile since my last post…. the Flu has been widespread around the country, I am allergic to the Flu vaccine and honestly not a big believer in it’s effectiveness,  so it was not a shock to me when immediately after my last post after having run errands all that morning that I got up from my laptop and BAM!  I was freezing, chills, shaking, headache, fever and my whole body ached – especially my back.

Recently a friend had suddenly lost his mother to the Flu, she was only 10 years older than me,  children and otherwise healthy adults were dying from this Flu, I was the one wearing gloves everywhere, staying home to avoid contact with possibly infected people, using hand sanitizer, using my sleeve to open doors, hold shopping carts, etc,  I even changed my annual physical to avoid being in the Dr’s office during Flu Season – how crazy is that??

So after confirming my symptoms on Google, I determined I had the Flu.  So over the next 2 days I stacked Tylenol/Motrin, drank lots of water and literally stayed in bed.  I kept ignoring the little voice in my head that something else could be wrong,  I had had the Flu before, but this was different.  I was up all night peeing, but I was drinking all day, normal right?  My back was killing me, normal for the Flu right?  My bladder felt like it was on fire – didn’t read that about the Flu…. Decided to check in with my Dr., but I refused to go in for visit as I didn’t want to be around sick people during Flu season.  I described my symptoms and she too felt symptoms were in line with the Flu, keep doing what I was doing and keep in touch.  After a week I started to feel a little better, but could not be without Tylenol or back in bed I went.  Then after the first week I had to drive to an appointment about 20 minutes away.  Shortly after getting behind wheel I got that feeling again, shaking, chills, fever, nausea and the pain in my back!  It felt like 3rd degree burns all over and I could not even touch the left side of my back.  Called my Dr. who had me come right in, I had to call my husband as I could not even drive at this point, was then sent for a CT SCAN,  which did not go well, I don’t do well drinking the contrast, especially when you already feel like vomiting and your kidneys are screaming and they had a tough time getting the IV in!  Turns out I did not have the Flu (well I may have had prior but we will never know for sure) but I had a serious kidney infection that almost resulted with a hospital stay had I not gone to the Dr. when I did!  By this point I was so weak and in so much pain, I was just relieved to have a plan of action.  Antibiotics, my nemesis, they are a necessary drug to fight infection, but for people like me they come with serious risk.  I am prone to C-Diff  – clostridium difficile infection.  I suffered from this for 2 years after my back surgeries.  It is a cruel illness, it is a life threatening illness, for this reason I will usually resist any type of antibiotics, but this was different, my kidneys were at risk of permanent damage.  So I am taking them for 2 weeks, loading up on probiotics and keeping my fingers crossed and praying to my Guardian Angels for guidance – had I listened to them before I would not be in this mess!  You see, for the week prior I kept saying things like “if I didn’t know better I swear I have a UTI” or “should my back hurt this much?” I kept quieting the voice in my head… why?? I’ll tell you why, FEAR a simple four letter word – but fear is the EGO talking, letting the fear of being near germs actually made my fears manifest and kept me from seeking the help I so badly needed even when all the signs were there that I was ignoring!  I start being a better listener today.  Listen to your “inner voices” pay attention, we usually know when something is off, but we shut the “noise” – the fear, the gut feelings, we tell ourselves we are being paranoid, etc, the universe is never wrong….. Hoping to be up to daily posts soon, taking this one day at a time.  So glad I have this outlet for healing and enlightenment, even if no one reads it, it is therapeutic !

Author: myjourneybacktomyself15

I'm a journey to rediscover my identity, to overcome pain from too much surgery, CDiff and self limiting behavior. I am lucky enough to have a family to inspire me, as well as 2 rescue pibbles who need me to get back to me.

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