Never Ignore Your Intuition

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Been awhile since my last post…. the Flu has been widespread around the country, I am allergic to the Flu vaccine and honestly not a big believer in it’s effectiveness,  so it was not a shock to me when immediately after my last post after having run errands all that morning that I got up from my laptop and BAM!  I was freezing, chills, shaking, headache, fever and my whole body ached – especially my back.

Recently a friend had suddenly lost his mother to the Flu, she was only 10 years older than me,  children and otherwise healthy adults were dying from this Flu, I was the one wearing gloves everywhere, staying home to avoid contact with possibly infected people, using hand sanitizer, using my sleeve to open doors, hold shopping carts, etc,  I even changed my annual physical to avoid being in the Dr’s office during Flu Season – how crazy is that??

So after confirming my symptoms on Google, I determined I had the Flu.  So over the next 2 days I stacked Tylenol/Motrin, drank lots of water and literally stayed in bed.  I kept ignoring the little voice in my head that something else could be wrong,  I had had the Flu before, but this was different.  I was up all night peeing, but I was drinking all day, normal right?  My back was killing me, normal for the Flu right?  My bladder felt like it was on fire – didn’t read that about the Flu…. Decided to check in with my Dr., but I refused to go in for visit as I didn’t want to be around sick people during Flu season.  I described my symptoms and she too felt symptoms were in line with the Flu, keep doing what I was doing and keep in touch.  After a week I started to feel a little better, but could not be without Tylenol or back in bed I went.  Then after the first week I had to drive to an appointment about 20 minutes away.  Shortly after getting behind wheel I got that feeling again, shaking, chills, fever, nausea and the pain in my back!  It felt like 3rd degree burns all over and I could not even touch the left side of my back.  Called my Dr. who had me come right in, I had to call my husband as I could not even drive at this point, was then sent for a CT SCAN,  which did not go well, I don’t do well drinking the contrast, especially when you already feel like vomiting and your kidneys are screaming and they had a tough time getting the IV in!  Turns out I did not have the Flu (well I may have had prior but we will never know for sure) but I had a serious kidney infection that almost resulted with a hospital stay had I not gone to the Dr. when I did!  By this point I was so weak and in so much pain, I was just relieved to have a plan of action.  Antibiotics, my nemesis, they are a necessary drug to fight infection, but for people like me they come with serious risk.  I am prone to C-Diff  – clostridium difficile infection.  I suffered from this for 2 years after my back surgeries.  It is a cruel illness, it is a life threatening illness, for this reason I will usually resist any type of antibiotics, but this was different, my kidneys were at risk of permanent damage.  So I am taking them for 2 weeks, loading up on probiotics and keeping my fingers crossed and praying to my Guardian Angels for guidance – had I listened to them before I would not be in this mess!  You see, for the week prior I kept saying things like “if I didn’t know better I swear I have a UTI” or “should my back hurt this much?” I kept quieting the voice in my head… why?? I’ll tell you why, FEAR a simple four letter word – but fear is the EGO talking, letting the fear of being near germs actually made my fears manifest and kept me from seeking the help I so badly needed even when all the signs were there that I was ignoring!  I start being a better listener today.  Listen to your “inner voices” pay attention, we usually know when something is off, but we shut the “noise” – the fear, the gut feelings, we tell ourselves we are being paranoid, etc, the universe is never wrong….. Hoping to be up to daily posts soon, taking this one day at a time.  So glad I have this outlet for healing and enlightenment, even if no one reads it, it is therapeutic !

WOD

WOD (workout of day) 3 little letters that became my motivation at crossfit, I remember my first workout like it was yesterday even though it has been 5 years almost to the day.  I was about the same age – a little older than some of the newbies in the new RAMP class, I remember my confidance going up with each activity that I completed, the pride I felt as other people puked and could not complete the runs… the pride, my ego grew with each task I completed.  I was invincible…. or so I thought.  I worked out 3-4 times a week, slowly going from last to toward the middle of the class for completing the WOD’s and I was feeling great.  I had many health restrictions at the time due to several surgeries, etc that most of the instructors were aware of and I was even assigned a workout mentor to help keep an eye on my form to avoid injuries… sounds great!  My back started to bother me after a couple weeks – “no pain no gain” right?  Hell, I can do this, I am no longer a weak woman in mom jeans, just work harder, focus, push through the pain…   So part of this day’s WOD was deadlifts… do as many as you can for specific time then increase the weight with each set…. which I did, was I in pain… YUP, was I gonna quit?  Hell no, was I being watched by my trusted staff?  I thought so but sadly … NO!!!  Too late I realized I was not.  This particular day the owner came in with his dog, I had never worked out with him before and he was more interested in what the dog was doing than what I was doing… so since no one stopped me to correct my form I kept going…. this is where I own my actions, I  SHOULD HAVE LISTENED TO MY BODY, but I LISTENED TO MY EGO, keep going, “you got this” I would silently say to myself, don’t be a wuss, show them how strong you are!  I could blame the gym, the coach, my mentor and maybe they all have some ownership, but ultimately, I am in charge of myself and my actions… I didn’t listen and then it was too late – something gave in my back, I didn’t know at the time as I had never had back issues, but apparently it was brewing for awhile and I had just deadlifted one too many times… In the blink of an eye my world was about to change…